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Hope strangles itself, catching at my stomach
I can not give up the Hope,
the joy, the pain.
All Hope should be gone.
But yet I remain, waiting.

Will tomorrow bring Hope again?
Or just the pain.
When can I put my Hope to rest?
When will the pain flow freely.

Freely like the words that catch at my throat,
Like the tears that rise to choke me.
How long must I continue to scrape at the door?
The door forever barred to me?

At my feet are the keys, so many keys,
But my back is slow to bend to them.

And even as I try to walk up to the door,
The key turns but the lock does not open.

So still I wait, alone with the keys,
Afraid to touch, to try.
For deep down I know,
This is not the real key.
This is more Hope sent to torture me.

I try to be good,
In vain hope that goodness will bring love to me.
I try to believe, I try.
I try
I Hope
I believe
I love
Yet I am alone in hopeful misery.

Copyright Jackie Bulner 1999

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Jackie Bulner
Melbourne, Victoria

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